Gretchen's goals for March were related to her job. My job is at home, so I can't take steps to move up the pay-scale or get a promotion. But I still deal with some of the same things that she does. Two really stuck out to me: The tendendcy toward being an "island" and having to fight the fear of failure. #1 I am an island.
The "I am an island" syndrome can make for some lonely days. I tend to stand alone, but it isn't because I don't need anyone else. In fact, truth be told, I am FAR from being self-sufficient. David is very often the one keeping my head above water. I stand alone because I often DON'T have it all together and I don't want anyone to see that. I know I miss out on some amazing experiences that way. That behavior also shows that I often put the emphasis on the wrong things. What is more important? to have nobody in my life but have everyone think I am Mary Poppins or to have incredible friends who see me for who I really am: a non-perfect human being? It sounds pretty ridiculous put that way.
#2 But what if I fail?
Perhaps that isn't the right question to ask because that question is easy to answer. If I put myself out there, I will fail sometimes. I think the real question is: Is it o.k. for me to fail sometimes? Is it o.k. to say the wrong thing? Is it o.k. to get distracted and forget or neglect important things? What if I'm not good at something new that I try? Well, I guess the answer is, again, an easy one. Yes, failure is o.k. It actually fosters growth. And I won't always fail anyway! I think the trick is to learn to feel good about trying whether or not I succeed. It might do me good to learn to laugh at myself a little more too!
My goals for March, then, are based on those two problem areas:
#1 Reach out to others more whether or not conditions are "perfect".
#2 Learn to fight the fear of failure by putting failure into the proper perspective and by internalizing the message of Phil. 4:13.
I think that is good for now. Perhaps tomorrow I will write about some tangible ways that I can strive for those goals...
FYI
Yesterday my heart was pretty troubled. I have been struggling with some things that are threatening to get in the way of the happiness I am trying to let in. ...mostly they have to do with my role as a mother. If you feel like it say a prayer for me and all of the mothers in your life. It is often a tough job and we need all the prayers we can get! And, if you are one of the mothers in MY life, know that I am praying for you! Love to all!
So here's what I think of the word 'failure': YOU CHOOSE to define what is a failure. I don't fail simply because I've decided that all experiences are a part of my learning process and the word 'failure' denotes finality. Life is a process.
ReplyDeleteI tend to think of fear as a weapon of Satan that he uses to prevent me from reaching my God given potential. Thinking of it that way FREQUENTLY annoys me sufficiently enough to plow ahead.
Don't misunderstand I frequently go about something is an inefficient way or blunder my way through a situation.
The key is to do with God, your head held high, with a pure heart. If while doing that I still miss the mark, I don't care because I know in my heart that God knows my heart.
So my motto is "If you suck - who cares". I say "own it". We're all going to suck at times in our lives so I say suck with style.
Your first paragraph reflects what I was trying(and probably FAILING;)to say- at least in part. Life is a process.
ReplyDeleteOh, I also meant to say. I am continually in awe of your ability to see fear for what it really is. My tendency is to be paralyzed by it. I think I need to copy your thoughts on fear down and put them somewhere where I can see them ALL THE TIME!
ReplyDeleteOne of the reasons I'm comfortable with you is that I know that you see most things the way I do.
ReplyDeleteBeauty, balance, order and style leap to your eyes in the same moments they catch mine.
Disorder is simply the inverse of all of that. Life is simple. God is found in beauty. If you have a fear that you can't see beauty in then it's from Satan. HATE IT. Attack it. Don't give it control. Control of your life belongs to God and He placed it in your hands.
I have faith that you will have sight.
BTW: I don't always see things by myself. Satan is a tricky bugger. Even if it hurts I have to look at things (frequently it's myself) through the eyes of my beloved Scott, my parents, my sisters, the elders, you . . . and the therapist.
ReplyDeleteNo one does this alone. Especially not me.