The second section in ch. 4 is: Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings.
This is the section I have spent the most time already, but I am not going to write down all of my thoughts about it right now. I'll save most of that blathering for later.
For this topic I re-read part of Hebrews 4 and looked at the example of Jesus.
"For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
-Hebrews 4:15
The author is telling us here that Jesus UNDERSTANDS what we are feeling. Here it is in relation to sin, but I think we can broaden that umbrella without taking advantage of the text. He became fully human and he knows the joys and the pain associated with this life. So, when we feel pain, He does too. When we rejoice, He rejoices with us. If we are following His lead, we will be doing the same with the people around us.
In addition to His example, there are some places where we are actually commanded to be mindful of our fellow-man:
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep" - Romans 12:15
"Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." -Matthew 7:12
-If we want understanding from others, we better be quick to give it ourselves!
I am ashamed to say that I am not so good at this one. I want people to be understanding with me but I am often not very understanding in return. Much more coming later on that topic. Suffice it to say, studying this topic has been WONDERFUL for me. Good, good stuff.
The third section is: Be a treasure house of happy memories. The author said this by way of explanation: "Studies show that recalling happy times helps boost happiness in the present. When people reminisce, they focus on positive memories, with the result that recalling the past amplifies the positive and minimizes the negative. However, because people remember events better when they fit with their present mood, happy people remember happy events better, and depressed people remember sad events better. Depressed people have as many nice experiences as other people- they just don't recall them as well."
I found this to be extremely interesting. I went to a Christian counsellor for a while to deal with, among other things, depression. One of the assignments he gave me was to come up with a "happy book". I was told to get a small photo album, fill it with pictures of the happiest times in my life, and keep it with me all the time. The idea was that if I LOOKED at the pictures I would FEEL those happy feelings all over again. There is really something to that. Now, there is NOTHING in the Bible about creating a photo album, but there are some verses about rejoicing in the beauty of life. The best one I can think of is:
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things."
-Phillipians 4:8
There is so much beauty in scripture. Beauty and inspiration.
Well, that is it for today! ...almost. I promised a report on this morning. It wasn't so bad. I did not bound out of bed with a huge smile on my face, but I did feel a good bit more peaceful than usual and I managed to get out a mostly coherent prayer before breakfast. It's progress and progress is good.
I hope your day was a good one! Mine was. I'll be back tomorrow for #4(I have no idea where to go with that one yet!)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Assignment #2
Assignment #2 is to come up with verses to go with the main ideas of chapter 4
The first section is: Sing in the Morning
Yikes!
I am NOT a morning person. Think of me what you will, but David gets the house up and running each morning. He wakes everyone up and feeds the little ones breakfast while I try to squeeze in every last minute of sleep that I can. Granted, I do have a lot of trouble sleeping off and on, but still... When I'm sleeping WELL I'm still pretty pitiful. By the time I get done with my shower I am o.k., but before then I can barely function.
I just don't feel rested in the morning.
Our system suits us. David doesn't mind. So I happily take his gift and wake up at my own pace while he slaves away. For now, that means that David is the one in charge of setting the "tone" in our household each day. I'm off the hook there:) And he does a great job- he's a natural. I do want to learn to wake up in a happier frame of mind for myself though. My anxiety levels tend to be pretty high first thing. I think I am going to try quoting some of the Bible verses I am memorizing as soon as I am awake enough to do so. And maybe that will get me focused enough to say a coherent prayer! I know that there couldn't be a better way to wake up- focused on God and His word.
I want to wake up and feel the truth of the verse that I have at the top of my blog:
"This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it."
-Psalm 118:24
I want God to be the first thing I think of each morning like the children of Israel were taught:
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
-Deuteronomy 6:6-9
and like King David:
"My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD;
In the morning I will direct it to you, And I will look up."
-Psalm 5:3
Tomorrow morning then... God's word first thing, then try to focus on prayer. I'll let you know when I fail miserably. I know, I know. Have a little faith.(I'm still going to fail miserably.) It's a beautiful goal to end the day with though:)
And, with that, I wish you sweet dreams.
-Erin
The first section is: Sing in the Morning
Yikes!
I am NOT a morning person. Think of me what you will, but David gets the house up and running each morning. He wakes everyone up and feeds the little ones breakfast while I try to squeeze in every last minute of sleep that I can. Granted, I do have a lot of trouble sleeping off and on, but still... When I'm sleeping WELL I'm still pretty pitiful. By the time I get done with my shower I am o.k., but before then I can barely function.
I just don't feel rested in the morning.
Our system suits us. David doesn't mind. So I happily take his gift and wake up at my own pace while he slaves away. For now, that means that David is the one in charge of setting the "tone" in our household each day. I'm off the hook there:) And he does a great job- he's a natural. I do want to learn to wake up in a happier frame of mind for myself though. My anxiety levels tend to be pretty high first thing. I think I am going to try quoting some of the Bible verses I am memorizing as soon as I am awake enough to do so. And maybe that will get me focused enough to say a coherent prayer! I know that there couldn't be a better way to wake up- focused on God and His word.
I want to wake up and feel the truth of the verse that I have at the top of my blog:
"This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it."
-Psalm 118:24
I want God to be the first thing I think of each morning like the children of Israel were taught:
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
-Deuteronomy 6:6-9
and like King David:
"My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD;
In the morning I will direct it to you, And I will look up."
-Psalm 5:3
Tomorrow morning then... God's word first thing, then try to focus on prayer. I'll let you know when I fail miserably. I know, I know. Have a little faith.(I'm still going to fail miserably.) It's a beautiful goal to end the day with though:)
And, with that, I wish you sweet dreams.
-Erin
Monday, March 29, 2010
20 things that make me happy:
The picture above is of my newest thrift store find- I spent a whopping 89 cents on it. Cute, huh?
On Thursday night I am meeting with some other women from church who have been working through The Happiness Project as a group since January. They are, so far, unofficial but I think they have plans to become so. Anyway, this will be my first time at a meeting. I am looking forward to it. One of the assignments for Thurs. is to come up with a list of 10-20 things that make me happy. I actually found it rather hard to limit myself. (a good sign I think:) Buuut, I understand that most people would not want to listen to my top thousand favorite things, so I made the effort to just pick a few.
1. Date night (with my husband of course)
2. New notebooks
3. Hugs and kisses from Aaron Fyfe
4. Learning something new
5. The smell of books I loved as a child
6. Finding treasures in junk stores
7. A cup of tea(it's even better if it is in a charming cup)
8. Cheese- most any kind as long as it is the best of it's class
9. A good book
10. The beach
11. A nice, long talk with a friend
12. Making things with my hands
13. Fresh flowers in the house
14. A clean house
15. Singing night at church
16. Wearing flowers
17. Knowing that I have done my best at something
18.Coloring books and new packs of crayons
19. Swinging
20. Snuggling with my dog
Just making that list made me happy.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Sally Stitch Push Button Dress Form
This lovely item has found a temporary home at my house. The friend that lent it too me might have a hard time prying it back out of my hands when I am done with it. Well, at least it is a permanent fixture on my blog now:)Thursday, March 25, 2010
A quote from "The Search For Significance" by Robert S. McGee:
" From life's outset, we find ourselves on the prowl, searching to satisfy some inner, unexplained yearning. Our hunger causes us to search for people who will love us. Our desire for acceptance pressures us to perform to gain praise from others. We strive for success, driving our minds and our bodies harder and further, hoping that because of our sweat and sacrifice others will appreciate us more.
But the man or woman who lives only for the love and attention of others is never satisfied- at least, not for long. Despite our efforts, we will never find lasting, fulfilling peace if we must continually prove ourselves to others. Our desire to be loved and accepted is a symptom of a deeper need- the need that frequently governs our behavior and is the primary source of our emotional pain. Often unrecognized, this is our need for self-worth."
I play that game way too often. I like the word that Gretchen Rubin used to describe it. I am a "praise junkie". Sometimes I wonder how often I would do the right thing if there was nobody to see... It's something to think about.
Right now I need to go and listen to the amazing rainstorm that is coming down outside my window. I hope it holds out long enough that I can fall asleep to it:)
Goodnight
" From life's outset, we find ourselves on the prowl, searching to satisfy some inner, unexplained yearning. Our hunger causes us to search for people who will love us. Our desire for acceptance pressures us to perform to gain praise from others. We strive for success, driving our minds and our bodies harder and further, hoping that because of our sweat and sacrifice others will appreciate us more.
But the man or woman who lives only for the love and attention of others is never satisfied- at least, not for long. Despite our efforts, we will never find lasting, fulfilling peace if we must continually prove ourselves to others. Our desire to be loved and accepted is a symptom of a deeper need- the need that frequently governs our behavior and is the primary source of our emotional pain. Often unrecognized, this is our need for self-worth."
I play that game way too often. I like the word that Gretchen Rubin used to describe it. I am a "praise junkie". Sometimes I wonder how often I would do the right thing if there was nobody to see... It's something to think about.
Right now I need to go and listen to the amazing rainstorm that is coming down outside my window. I hope it holds out long enough that I can fall asleep to it:)
Goodnight
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Psalm 121 and then to bed with me. We had a toddler who wanted to be awake in the middle of the night last night. We were too tired to fight him, so he ended up in bed with us. He slept fine after that. I did not. Let's just say I was a bit crabby this morning. I turned it around pretty fast though. Having all of this "Happiness Project" stuff buzzing around in my head helps with stuff like that. So, no more bad mood, but I am still wiped.
Maybe I should try to squeeze in a little light reading before bed. Maybe from the next book club assignment...
Ch 1, page 1
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."
-Charles Dickens
Maybe not. I have no idea how I am going to get through that one before the next meeting. If I could just read that opening paragraph over and over again I would be fine. I love long lists of things:) Oh well, I'll think about that problem tomorrow. The words are swimming on the screen.
Goodnight friends.
Maybe I should try to squeeze in a little light reading before bed. Maybe from the next book club assignment...
Ch 1, page 1
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."
-Charles Dickens
Maybe not. I have no idea how I am going to get through that one before the next meeting. If I could just read that opening paragraph over and over again I would be fine. I love long lists of things:) Oh well, I'll think about that problem tomorrow. The words are swimming on the screen.
Goodnight friends.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Good day.
Long day.
I exercised. I didn't apologize for my dirty dishes when a friend stopped by:) I spent some time with my awesome sister and parents. I had some great moments with my kids. I was productive and cheerful. I read God's word. In fact, so much good happened today that I think I would fall asleep before getting it all down. It's these days that balance out the nightmarish ones!
It's time to spend some time relaxing with my husband and sleeeep. Yum. Sleep. Good night all! Sweet dreams.
Long day.
I exercised. I didn't apologize for my dirty dishes when a friend stopped by:) I spent some time with my awesome sister and parents. I had some great moments with my kids. I was productive and cheerful. I read God's word. In fact, so much good happened today that I think I would fall asleep before getting it all down. It's these days that balance out the nightmarish ones!
It's time to spend some time relaxing with my husband and sleeeep. Yum. Sleep. Good night all! Sweet dreams.
Monday, March 22, 2010
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Phil. 4:13
Yet again I am pressed for time. Today has been busy, although pleasantly so. I want to make this a habit though- for myself. So, I will try to get in a few lines before I need to fly out the door again...
Perhaps I downplayed my "fear of failure" a little bit. I deal with A LOT of anxiety. So much so that I was on prescription drugs for a while to control paralyzing panic attacks. I am much better now, but I am always conscious of the fact that it can get out of control under the right circumstances. I want to do my best to avoid that. I have read many secular writings about controlling anxiety. Some of the suggestions help a little bit, but they don't get to the root of my problem. I think that my anxiety is really just another negative side effect of not feeling close to God. Like I said in a previous post, I know that improving my communication with Him is the key to feeling closer to Him. I have a post incubating right now about what hinders my prayer life, so that should be coming soon. But, tonight I will touch on the other end of that dynamic. I need to be in God's word more! I have been working on that by trying to study and/or meditate daily; but I think I have been missing out on an important piece of the puzzle. I need God's word to be filling my mind in a way it hasn't before. It's time to start memorizing. I'm starting small and memorizing verses that will specifically help in moments of anxiety, but I hope to challenge myself more and more as I go. The first group of verses I am putting in my head for good are in Psalm 121.
"I will lift up my eyes to the hills- from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve you from all evil, he shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore."
Beautiful isn't it?
I can't wait.
O.k., that will have to be it for tonight. I'm getting ready to fly out the door.
Love to all- Erin
Perhaps I downplayed my "fear of failure" a little bit. I deal with A LOT of anxiety. So much so that I was on prescription drugs for a while to control paralyzing panic attacks. I am much better now, but I am always conscious of the fact that it can get out of control under the right circumstances. I want to do my best to avoid that. I have read many secular writings about controlling anxiety. Some of the suggestions help a little bit, but they don't get to the root of my problem. I think that my anxiety is really just another negative side effect of not feeling close to God. Like I said in a previous post, I know that improving my communication with Him is the key to feeling closer to Him. I have a post incubating right now about what hinders my prayer life, so that should be coming soon. But, tonight I will touch on the other end of that dynamic. I need to be in God's word more! I have been working on that by trying to study and/or meditate daily; but I think I have been missing out on an important piece of the puzzle. I need God's word to be filling my mind in a way it hasn't before. It's time to start memorizing. I'm starting small and memorizing verses that will specifically help in moments of anxiety, but I hope to challenge myself more and more as I go. The first group of verses I am putting in my head for good are in Psalm 121.
"I will lift up my eyes to the hills- from whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve you from all evil, he shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth, and even forevermore."
Beautiful isn't it?
I can't wait.
O.k., that will have to be it for tonight. I'm getting ready to fly out the door.
Love to all- Erin
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I am an island, but I'm not a rock.
Gretchen's goals for March were related to her job. My job is at home, so I can't take steps to move up the pay-scale or get a promotion. But I still deal with some of the same things that she does. Two really stuck out to me: The tendendcy toward being an "island" and having to fight the fear of failure. #1 I am an island.
The "I am an island" syndrome can make for some lonely days. I tend to stand alone, but it isn't because I don't need anyone else. In fact, truth be told, I am FAR from being self-sufficient. David is very often the one keeping my head above water. I stand alone because I often DON'T have it all together and I don't want anyone to see that. I know I miss out on some amazing experiences that way. That behavior also shows that I often put the emphasis on the wrong things. What is more important? to have nobody in my life but have everyone think I am Mary Poppins or to have incredible friends who see me for who I really am: a non-perfect human being? It sounds pretty ridiculous put that way.
#2 But what if I fail?
Perhaps that isn't the right question to ask because that question is easy to answer. If I put myself out there, I will fail sometimes. I think the real question is: Is it o.k. for me to fail sometimes? Is it o.k. to say the wrong thing? Is it o.k. to get distracted and forget or neglect important things? What if I'm not good at something new that I try? Well, I guess the answer is, again, an easy one. Yes, failure is o.k. It actually fosters growth. And I won't always fail anyway! I think the trick is to learn to feel good about trying whether or not I succeed. It might do me good to learn to laugh at myself a little more too!
My goals for March, then, are based on those two problem areas:
#1 Reach out to others more whether or not conditions are "perfect".
#2 Learn to fight the fear of failure by putting failure into the proper perspective and by internalizing the message of Phil. 4:13.
I think that is good for now. Perhaps tomorrow I will write about some tangible ways that I can strive for those goals...
FYI
Yesterday my heart was pretty troubled. I have been struggling with some things that are threatening to get in the way of the happiness I am trying to let in. ...mostly they have to do with my role as a mother. If you feel like it say a prayer for me and all of the mothers in your life. It is often a tough job and we need all the prayers we can get! And, if you are one of the mothers in MY life, know that I am praying for you! Love to all!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Happiness and Marriage- Part 2
I really need to work on enjoying the time I have with my husband more than I do.
This is our life together. We won't have another one on this earth and this one is SPEEDING by. It is crazy and overwhelming sometimes. We haven't had a conversation-even a short one- without being interrupted since the year 2000. There are usually children physically attatched to one or both of us. We are always behind on something- laundry, dishes, bill paying, etc. Even if we just do the minimum each day it often feels like too much. We are both perpetually exhausted! I think David is really o.k. with the way things are. I don't think the craziness makes him feel "disconnected" from me. He is happy to steal a kiss over dinner prep (to the sound of "Eeeeew, they kissed on the lips!" in the background), exchange meaningful looks across the dinner table, and snuggle up on the couch at the end of the day to start a movie that we will never finish. I, on the other hand, tend to be restless and dissatisfied. I spend way too much time wishing that we were somewhere else, that we were doing something else, that the kids were somewhere else... And when we do get that kid-free, fabulous dinner out, I'm focused on how soon it will be over. A lot of that is probably understandable. Taking care of small children is tiring. It's o.k. that I feel like I need a break from all of that sometimes. And it is absolutely o.k. to crave time with my husband. But the reality is we have four kids under the age of ten that need us to take care of them and just enough money to pay the bills(usually). This is our life together. We do get those nights out occasionally but, way more often than that, we get those stolen moments in the middle of hectic days. I need to learn to appreciate those moments. I am so blessed to have them. I think if I learned to see their beauty and their value I would be a much happier, more contented person.
So, there is my next goal:
This is our life together. We won't have another one on this earth and this one is SPEEDING by. It is crazy and overwhelming sometimes. We haven't had a conversation-even a short one- without being interrupted since the year 2000. There are usually children physically attatched to one or both of us. We are always behind on something- laundry, dishes, bill paying, etc. Even if we just do the minimum each day it often feels like too much. We are both perpetually exhausted! I think David is really o.k. with the way things are. I don't think the craziness makes him feel "disconnected" from me. He is happy to steal a kiss over dinner prep (to the sound of "Eeeeew, they kissed on the lips!" in the background), exchange meaningful looks across the dinner table, and snuggle up on the couch at the end of the day to start a movie that we will never finish. I, on the other hand, tend to be restless and dissatisfied. I spend way too much time wishing that we were somewhere else, that we were doing something else, that the kids were somewhere else... And when we do get that kid-free, fabulous dinner out, I'm focused on how soon it will be over. A lot of that is probably understandable. Taking care of small children is tiring. It's o.k. that I feel like I need a break from all of that sometimes. And it is absolutely o.k. to crave time with my husband. But the reality is we have four kids under the age of ten that need us to take care of them and just enough money to pay the bills(usually). This is our life together. We do get those nights out occasionally but, way more often than that, we get those stolen moments in the middle of hectic days. I need to learn to appreciate those moments. I am so blessed to have them. I think if I learned to see their beauty and their value I would be a much happier, more contented person.
So, there is my next goal:
Learn to really live and love in each moment I have with my husband and to thank God every day for them.
The "how" is much less tangible than in the past two posts. For now, I am focused on this goal so it is easy. I think if I just put the goal somewhere where I will see it often it will remind me of all of the things I talked about in this post and, hopefully, that will help me put it into action. If that doesn't work, then I'll do something else. ...simple as that. My life is a work in progress. I won't figure it all out today.
Whew! Two months worth of goals in a scant few days! I'll be glad to get caught up soon! Tomorrow I tackle my goals for March.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Happiness and Marriage- Part 1
Gretchen Rubin dedicates the second chapter of her book: The Happiness Project to the relationship she has with her spouse. (This would have been February's focus.) Exploring the role happiness has in my marriage is fascinating. Today I will talk about the biggest misconception I have about marital bliss: If David does all of the "right" things, I will be happy.
I know that I too often depend on David to make me happy. That is unfair. It is't even reasonable. He is a good man who does his best to honor the commitment he made to love me as Christ loved the church. But that doesn't always translate into happiness for me. First off, he is human and he won't do things perfectly all the time. Second, life isn't perfect. There is pain and sickness and death in this world. He can't take all of that away for me. Third, even if he (or anyone else for that matter) wanted to, he can't force happiness on me. I'm sure he would love it if he could. There have been times when there was "nothing wrong" and he was doing everything he knew to make me happy, but I was still sad. In such instances happiness must come from another source. I have heard so many stories of people who maintained generally happy attitudes despite major trials in their lives: terminal cancer, losing all of their worldly posessions, losing a child, a spouses infidelity... That's not to say they never had a moment of sadness, but they were overall still happy people. Their spouses didn't MAKE them happy- in some cases it was their spouses who were causing the pain. So where did it come from? I guess I can't answer that question for everyone, but I do know this: God promises that, in our relationship with him, we can experience a "peace that passes all understanding" - Phil.4:7-no matter what is going on around us. That sounds an awful lot like true happiness to me.
I am reading another book right now called: The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. In the first chapter the author makes the point that all of us go through life searching for love and acceptance which, of course, translate into happiness. Too often we try to get those things from the people around us but that doesn't always work and when it doesn't we are left feeling hopeless. The answer to the problem is to search for significance in the proper place- our relationship with God. When we are in a relationship with God this is what we can expect from His end:
God Loves us perfectly for always and He has promised us
rest in Him when this life is over.
Knowing that, why would I EVER struggle to feel happy? Well, I suppose it is because I am human too. I let things in this world act like clouds that block the sun. I let them block my view of God. I think the only way to guard against that is to stay connected with God. Listening to Him speak to me. Talking to Him. When I know that He is there I don't look elsewhere for happiness because it is already there in my heart.
All of this pontification leads me to a goal: Stop depending on David to make me happy! Instead, work on my relationship with God to foster true, deep, unshakeable happiness. I think that it will make my marriage stronger. I think it will lighten my husbands load and save us both from undue frustration. I think it will help me enjoy the wonderful man that he is more fully. I will work on this area of my life by:
a)Making a better effort to stay connected to God through prayer(I need a new prayer journal!)
b)Continuing to work through the book The Search for Significance
...to be continued after the weekend:)
I know that I too often depend on David to make me happy. That is unfair. It is't even reasonable. He is a good man who does his best to honor the commitment he made to love me as Christ loved the church. But that doesn't always translate into happiness for me. First off, he is human and he won't do things perfectly all the time. Second, life isn't perfect. There is pain and sickness and death in this world. He can't take all of that away for me. Third, even if he (or anyone else for that matter) wanted to, he can't force happiness on me. I'm sure he would love it if he could. There have been times when there was "nothing wrong" and he was doing everything he knew to make me happy, but I was still sad. In such instances happiness must come from another source. I have heard so many stories of people who maintained generally happy attitudes despite major trials in their lives: terminal cancer, losing all of their worldly posessions, losing a child, a spouses infidelity... That's not to say they never had a moment of sadness, but they were overall still happy people. Their spouses didn't MAKE them happy- in some cases it was their spouses who were causing the pain. So where did it come from? I guess I can't answer that question for everyone, but I do know this: God promises that, in our relationship with him, we can experience a "peace that passes all understanding" - Phil.4:7-no matter what is going on around us. That sounds an awful lot like true happiness to me.
I am reading another book right now called: The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. In the first chapter the author makes the point that all of us go through life searching for love and acceptance which, of course, translate into happiness. Too often we try to get those things from the people around us but that doesn't always work and when it doesn't we are left feeling hopeless. The answer to the problem is to search for significance in the proper place- our relationship with God. When we are in a relationship with God this is what we can expect from His end:
God Loves us perfectly for always and He has promised us
rest in Him when this life is over.
Knowing that, why would I EVER struggle to feel happy? Well, I suppose it is because I am human too. I let things in this world act like clouds that block the sun. I let them block my view of God. I think the only way to guard against that is to stay connected with God. Listening to Him speak to me. Talking to Him. When I know that He is there I don't look elsewhere for happiness because it is already there in my heart.
All of this pontification leads me to a goal: Stop depending on David to make me happy! Instead, work on my relationship with God to foster true, deep, unshakeable happiness. I think that it will make my marriage stronger. I think it will lighten my husbands load and save us both from undue frustration. I think it will help me enjoy the wonderful man that he is more fully. I will work on this area of my life by:
a)Making a better effort to stay connected to God through prayer(I need a new prayer journal!)
b)Continuing to work through the book The Search for Significance
...to be continued after the weekend:)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Boring old goals made new and announced publicly(like you care about my eating habits!)
I love to swing. We have a makeshift swing hanging from one of the trees in our yard that I love to use as much as my kids do. I don't get too many turns, but I guess that is just a circle of life sort of thing. So, anyway, I was swinging this past Saturday afternoon and in the euphoric state that I was in, I came to two conclusions. 1- I think Spring is my favorite season and 2- I think this is going to be a year of great change for me. I didn't even really stop and try to figure out why, I just went with that positive buzz. Just a few days later I got invited to be part of a local group that is reading a book called: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She spent a year trying to become a happier, better person and then wrote a book about her journey. She dedicated each month to a different area of growth. The group I joined is reading along month by month and making changes in their own lives using her story as inspiration. I think that it is a fabulous idea. I eagerly dove into the book(I'm behind a couple of months) and was pleased to find out that I like her goal for month one and I have already been working on a similar goal in my own life. Trying to get through February and March goals before the next meeting might be a little much, but doable. I intend to blog about the process. I'm hoping that that combined with accountability from the group meetings will help me stick with it. (I am terrible about starting major projects and not finishing them.)
**Side note- Apparently it takes me about 3 minutes to change the "average" poopy diaper. I know this because I set the timer for steeping my green tea(3 minutes), gathered the supplies, changed the boy, washed my hands and was drying them when the timer went off. I have no idea how it will help me in life to know this, but you never know.
Back to my own Happiness Project... I'm not even sure I want to call it that on my blog, but I haven't landed on a title to reflect my own collection of goals yet. Anyway, the author's goal for January was to boost energy. She reasoned that starting with that would give her more stamina to make further changes in her life. I mentioned that I had already been working on something similar: I want to improve my overall health. I decided a few years ago that I was going to get through the naughty season(Oct. through April or Halloween through Easter) without gaining any weight and actually be healthier than I had been before. I decided all of this and then I got pregnant and I quickly undecided all of it. It's time for me to get back to that goal. Although this time I am starting after naughty season (because it was a particularly naughty one and I am suffering from it). Maybe if I have several months of good habits behind me when next October comes I will do a little better. We shall see. My issue this year isn't so much weight loss... I do have a few I could loose, but I am mostly struggling with health issues that are controllable with diet. I just don't always have enough will power to stay away from the foods that trigger symptoms. A couple of weeks ago I got serious about it and I already feel better. Now I just need to maintain. I am adding on a couple of other healthy habits that I need to work on as well. I don't want to just avoid negative symptoms but push myself toward all around better health. Here is my list:
1. Severely limit sugar. Dessert 2-3 times per week, made with wholesome stuff, and only after a good meal(with the exception of my daily square or two of dark chocolate). Also, watch the areas where sugar can creep in disguised as real food.
2. Limit dairy and grains. They just make me feel bad. Why would I want a moment of pleasure followed by agony?
3. Water. Drink it. My goal- the big 8.
4. Exercise. I love exercising but, for some reason, I have a hard time motivating myself to do it. Not sure why. I'm starting simple and cheap. Exercise in some FREE way(walking, biking, swimming, t.v. aerobics etc.) for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week.
5. I am adding one more: Take my vitamins every day. They really do help! Why not keep it up. Besides, it will help with that water drinking goal.
There. That does it. Those are my first Happiness Project goals. I'm doing great for now. It's a few months down the road I'm worried about. Oh well, one day at a time.
Tomorrow I start on, what should have been, February's goals.
**Side note- Apparently it takes me about 3 minutes to change the "average" poopy diaper. I know this because I set the timer for steeping my green tea(3 minutes), gathered the supplies, changed the boy, washed my hands and was drying them when the timer went off. I have no idea how it will help me in life to know this, but you never know.
Back to my own Happiness Project... I'm not even sure I want to call it that on my blog, but I haven't landed on a title to reflect my own collection of goals yet. Anyway, the author's goal for January was to boost energy. She reasoned that starting with that would give her more stamina to make further changes in her life. I mentioned that I had already been working on something similar: I want to improve my overall health. I decided a few years ago that I was going to get through the naughty season(Oct. through April or Halloween through Easter) without gaining any weight and actually be healthier than I had been before. I decided all of this and then I got pregnant and I quickly undecided all of it. It's time for me to get back to that goal. Although this time I am starting after naughty season (because it was a particularly naughty one and I am suffering from it). Maybe if I have several months of good habits behind me when next October comes I will do a little better. We shall see. My issue this year isn't so much weight loss... I do have a few I could loose, but I am mostly struggling with health issues that are controllable with diet. I just don't always have enough will power to stay away from the foods that trigger symptoms. A couple of weeks ago I got serious about it and I already feel better. Now I just need to maintain. I am adding on a couple of other healthy habits that I need to work on as well. I don't want to just avoid negative symptoms but push myself toward all around better health. Here is my list:
1. Severely limit sugar. Dessert 2-3 times per week, made with wholesome stuff, and only after a good meal(with the exception of my daily square or two of dark chocolate). Also, watch the areas where sugar can creep in disguised as real food.
2. Limit dairy and grains. They just make me feel bad. Why would I want a moment of pleasure followed by agony?
3. Water. Drink it. My goal- the big 8.
4. Exercise. I love exercising but, for some reason, I have a hard time motivating myself to do it. Not sure why. I'm starting simple and cheap. Exercise in some FREE way(walking, biking, swimming, t.v. aerobics etc.) for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week.
5. I am adding one more: Take my vitamins every day. They really do help! Why not keep it up. Besides, it will help with that water drinking goal.
There. That does it. Those are my first Happiness Project goals. I'm doing great for now. It's a few months down the road I'm worried about. Oh well, one day at a time.
Tomorrow I start on, what should have been, February's goals.
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