This is our life together. We won't have another one on this earth and this one is SPEEDING by. It is crazy and overwhelming sometimes. We haven't had a conversation-even a short one- without being interrupted since the year 2000. There are usually children physically attatched to one or both of us. We are always behind on something- laundry, dishes, bill paying, etc. Even if we just do the minimum each day it often feels like too much. We are both perpetually exhausted! I think David is really o.k. with the way things are. I don't think the craziness makes him feel "disconnected" from me. He is happy to steal a kiss over dinner prep (to the sound of "Eeeeew, they kissed on the lips!" in the background), exchange meaningful looks across the dinner table, and snuggle up on the couch at the end of the day to start a movie that we will never finish. I, on the other hand, tend to be restless and dissatisfied. I spend way too much time wishing that we were somewhere else, that we were doing something else, that the kids were somewhere else... And when we do get that kid-free, fabulous dinner out, I'm focused on how soon it will be over. A lot of that is probably understandable. Taking care of small children is tiring. It's o.k. that I feel like I need a break from all of that sometimes. And it is absolutely o.k. to crave time with my husband. But the reality is we have four kids under the age of ten that need us to take care of them and just enough money to pay the bills(usually). This is our life together. We do get those nights out occasionally but, way more often than that, we get those stolen moments in the middle of hectic days. I need to learn to appreciate those moments. I am so blessed to have them. I think if I learned to see their beauty and their value I would be a much happier, more contented person.
So, there is my next goal:
Learn to really live and love in each moment I have with my husband and to thank God every day for them.
The "how" is much less tangible than in the past two posts. For now, I am focused on this goal so it is easy. I think if I just put the goal somewhere where I will see it often it will remind me of all of the things I talked about in this post and, hopefully, that will help me put it into action. If that doesn't work, then I'll do something else. ...simple as that. My life is a work in progress. I won't figure it all out today.
Whew! Two months worth of goals in a scant few days! I'll be glad to get caught up soon! Tomorrow I tackle my goals for March.
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