Happiness and Marriage- Part 1

Gretchen Rubin dedicates the second chapter of her book: The Happiness Project to the relationship she has with her spouse. (This would have been February's focus.) Exploring the role happiness has in my marriage is fascinating. Today I will talk about the biggest misconception I have about marital bliss: If David does all of the "right" things, I will be happy.

I know that I too often depend on David to make me happy. That is unfair. It is't even reasonable. He is a good man who does his best to honor the commitment he made to love me as Christ loved the church. But that doesn't always translate into happiness for me. First off, he is human and he won't do things perfectly all the time. Second, life isn't perfect. There is pain and sickness and death in this world. He can't take all of that away for me. Third, even if he (or anyone else for that matter) wanted to, he can't force happiness on me. I'm sure he would love it if he could. There have been times when there was "nothing wrong" and he was doing everything he knew to make me happy, but I was still sad. In such instances happiness must come from another source. I have heard so many stories of people who maintained generally happy attitudes despite major trials in their lives: terminal cancer, losing all of their worldly posessions, losing a child, a spouses infidelity... That's not to say they never had a moment of sadness, but they were overall still happy people. Their spouses didn't MAKE them happy- in some cases it was their spouses who were causing the pain. So where did it come from? I guess I can't answer that question for everyone, but I do know this: God promises that, in our relationship with him, we can experience a "peace that passes all understanding" - Phil.4:7-no matter what is going on around us. That sounds an awful lot like true happiness to me.

I am reading another book right now called: The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. In the first chapter the author makes the point that all of us go through life searching for love and acceptance which, of course, translate into happiness. Too often we try to get those things from the people around us but that doesn't always work and when it doesn't we are left feeling hopeless. The answer to the problem is to search for significance in the proper place- our relationship with God. When we are in a relationship with God this is what we can expect from His end:

God Loves us perfectly for always and He has promised us
rest in Him when this life is over.

Knowing that, why would I EVER struggle to feel happy? Well, I suppose it is because I am human too. I let things in this world act like clouds that block the sun. I let them block my view of God. I think the only way to guard against that is to stay connected with God. Listening to Him speak to me. Talking to Him. When I know that He is there I don't look elsewhere for happiness because it is already there in my heart.

All of this pontification leads me to a goal: Stop depending on David to make me happy! Instead, work on my relationship with God to foster true, deep, unshakeable happiness. I think that it will make my marriage stronger. I think it will lighten my husbands load and save us both from undue frustration. I think it will help me enjoy the wonderful man that he is more fully. I will work on this area of my life by:
a)Making a better effort to stay connected to God through prayer(I need a new prayer journal!)
b)Continuing to work through the book The Search for Significance

...to be continued after the weekend:)